I totally suck.

It's nearly Christmas, I haven't been counting calories or even TRYING in the past like... month and a half. I hate it.


I reread my blog... I only managed to keep up with the calorie counting thing for like 3 days. Wow. That isn't good at all. I have extreme self discipline problems. 


Now, my goal to lose weight has punishment as a reinforcement instead of a reward (like the original idea). Originally, my mom was going to give me a great sum of money to lose the weight. Now, she's saying that I, along with both my parents, have to be well on our way to 15 pounds by the beginning of February or we won't be going on a cruise. YIKES! I love cruising.


Also, I found a bathing suit that I LOVE and I want to be able to wear it. However, it's kind of tiny. I would never be able to wear it right now. NEVER.


I went through a rough patch for a bit during school. I thought that maybe I had ADD or ADHD because I have extreme issues with motivation and studying. I went to a counselor and he told me he didn't think it was likely. So I'll get over it I suppose. I got my grades back for the semester. Could have been better... I ended up getting A, A-,B+, and B and I'm still waiting on one more but I think it'll be really bad. I was awful in that class. Probably a D+ or a C- :(. 


ANYWAY, I'm not sure I want to start dramatically changing my diet before the New Year because it's so difficult to get started during the holiday season. I think I'm going to start trying to eat/drink more antioxidants. I feel like with the amount of nasty fast food I've been eating, my body must be FILLED with them. I'm considering getting a body wrap after I get back from break, that would be a nice refreshing starting point for a change in lifestyle. We'll see whats cheapest.

Erm

Fell off the bandwagon... hard. I feel gross but I'm just really lazy and don't want to eat right.

I was really depressed this weekend for some reason. I talked to an ex boyfriend, that didn't help. And I got aggravated with a friend over something stupid. And I'm PMSing (cause you needed to know right?). So I just quit paying attention.

Anyway, I'll try and hop on again tomorrow. No promises.

Day number 2 :)

So, jumped on the scale this morning and it read 177.2. I'm pretty sure one of the numbers from either today or yesterday is skewed. Maybe I should have taken off my sweats yesterday... Or I just woke up really hungry so everything in my system was digested from yesterday. I have no idea! Either way, even if the results aren't particularly accurate, slightly more than 2 pounds lighter today! It made me feel just a smidge happier when I saw it. :) 


Lunch: Chick Fil A chargrilled chicken sandwich, fruitcup, diet coke, sour cream and onion baked chips. I was super hungry! I added a tiny bit of Polynesian sauce to my sandwich, but not a lot. So today's meal is about 570 calories and 11.5 grams of fat. Shouldn't have had the chips! Tonight I might be having dinner with my parents... I need to figure out where we're going so I can find something low cal on the menu.


Dinner: Uh oh, my parents were in town and took me to P.F. Changs. I didn't have time to look up the healthiest non gross thing on their menu so I got Sesame chicken, water (usually get sweet tea) and white rice (usually fried or brown rice). I sampled some of my parents food, and ate some of mine. The rest is in the fridge. I'm sure I'm over 1,500 calories for today after that meal so I'm stamping a giant red F- on today. 

The REAL day 1

Alright, I weighed myself this morning. It's worse than I thought. 179.6 :( I nearly cried. Thats 50 pounds to lose! That is the exact opposite of easy. I'm creating a chart on Exel to keep track of weight loss, I was hoping to find an APP on this website but I didn't have any luck.


Anyway, back to food log!
Lunch: Chick Fil A, one of the other options on campus for my meal plan. I had a fried chicken sandwich and a fruit cup. That totals to about 530 calories and 17 grams of fat for lunch. Not too bad I suppose but I could improve on fat grams. Usually I would get the sandwich and fries and a sweat tea which is 940 calories and 38 grams of fat. The best thing for me to do is get the chargrilled chicken sandwich and the fruit cup for 370 calories and 3.5 grams of fat.
Dinner: Taco Bell. Again. I'm getting tired of it, I'll have to go to the sub shop tomorrow. I had a number 1 this time. Burrito Supreme with chicken and a hard taco with beef. That was about 560 calories and 22 grams of fat. Thats all I'm going to eat today. Those burritos are like... huge man.


So today's calorie intake is 1,090. Which is well below the number of calories suggested to lose weight. However, I am taking in way too many fat grams! And also, I'm feeling very tired lately. And I think that's because all I've been eating is fast food. Seriously! And that is why my school offers and what my friends want to eat. Sure, I can get something low calorie... but is it necessarily nutritious? Not really. But I think I'll be going over to the sub shop tomorrow and getting a sandwich for dinner and trying the chargrilled chicken sandwich at Chick Fil A for lunch. 


Also, I want to establish smaller goals. Just looking at the sentence "I'm going to lose 50 pounds" is scary. That number is a monster! It is extremely intimidating to look at it like that. Instead, I'm looking for losing 15 pounds by Christmas! Which, by the way, will be rewarded greatly. My mom offered me a lot of money if I can lose 15 pounds by then! And after that, as soon as I drop down to 159, I'll be in normal weight range for my height! Well, more or less. It depends on which chart you use. 


But also, a couple days before Christmas I'm having surgery on my teeth so I won't be eating much anyway. I'm sure that will help at least a little bit! 


I can't decide if I want to go to the gym tonight or not. I hate the gym, I get really sweaty and I can't really do all that much but it makes me feel better to know that I at least tried. The campus gym classes at 11 so we'll see how I feel in about an hour.


Anyway, thats really all I have for today! Have a wonderful night who ever ends up reading this. :)


Megan <3 

Relearning what to eat!

My day:


This morning I had my horseback riding lesson. According to some websites, at my weight, at doing about 45 minutes worth of trotting, which sounds about right, I should have burned approx. 386 calories. Which is decent! Also, I have to walk about 3/4 of a mile to my car. I walk around 4 mph, because I'm always in a hurry. It takes me about 15 minutes to walk to me car, and then I included walking back as well, which I walk a little slower, but I walk up a pretty steep hill. For that, I've calculated about 136 calories. Adding those two things up I've burned, through exercise 522 calories.


I have a guilty pleasure. After my riding lesson I like to get something fast food. Today I decided on McDonalds. Usually, I would get a number 2, no pickle, with a sweet tea. That totals about 1,170 calories (says the McDonalds website). Gross. Today, I decided to get a kids meal. I wasn't really all that hungry but I still wanted some fast food! It's a tough spot to be in. When I got to the drive thru I decided on the Mighty Kids Meal double cheeseburger, fries, and a childs sweet tea. On the website, I took the total for everything and a sprite instead of a tea (there was no option for tea). That total was 820 calories. So far today, I've saved 350 calories! And by saved... I mean I didn't eat what I usually would have.


For future reference, I should probably get the regular kids meal hamburder with a diet coke and apple slices. That would be about 450 calories! Lets just hope I have the self discipline to get that next time.


Also! I bought a scale today! I had already eaten lunch so I decided not to weigh myself. I'll start doing that tomorrow! I hope it works :)


Dinner: Number 2 Taco Bell (best place to eat on campus): 930 Calories. What I normally get: 3 soft tacos... which is like 620 calories. Looks like I'll be going back to that. :( The number 2 was so good! 


ANYWAY, today I consumed 1,750 calories... Not very good. But less than 2,000, which is what I'm aiming for. 1,500 would be great! Looks like next time I'm skipping the nachos. No calories are going to come from drinks! That helps so much :)


Megan <3

New Beginnings

Hello! If you're reading this you're one of two things (hopefully).

1. You're like me. You want to lose weight. You want to feel better about yourself. You want to read about other people's experiences to help guide you. Losing weight is hard. You don't want to do it alone. And, if you're really like me, you don't want any of your friends to know about how hard you think it is. So you're making a random blog where no one can find you (hopefully).

or 

2. You have figured out who I am... and I'm going to be really upset.

Either way, this is me, raw and without being afraid of what my peers would say.

STARTING THE JOURNEY! A little about me.

My name is Megan. I'm 19 years old and I weigh roughly 175 pounds. Give or take a few, I don't have a scale, but will be getting one soon. I am 5'8" and have never been your typical teenage, or even pre teenage girl. I've always been bigger, whether it be taller or heavier, than most of the girls my age. I wear a size 10 pants and a size a medium or large shirt depending on whether it is junior or misses clothes. I wear a dress size 10 or 12. 

This is NOT to say that I am obese. I am not at a point where my health is seriously on the line. I am, though, heavier than someone my age and height should be. According to an online BMI scale, I have a Body Mass Index of 27.4. To be obese you must be over 30. I am too close to 30 for comfort. My goal weight, 130, is at 20.4. To be underweight you must be below 18.5, so I think this will be a good goal to shoot for. Anyway, back to my background.

I am in college! What a rough time to be overweight, right? There are so many cross country runners around here that I can barely stand it! I hate their legs. I hate their B cup chests. I hate their flat abs. It really does kill me. And every day, I spend most of my time thinking about how I wish I weighed less and how much better my life would be if I weren't constantly thinking that I should be thinner. And that is just unacceptable. 

And I feel a little like a hypocrite. I'm part of an organization that supports women's confidence. How can I stand up and shout about how we should all love ourselves exactly the way we are when I am miserable a majority of the time because I DO NOT like the person that I am.

And besides, I do not like helping feed the statistics that Americans are all over weight. Also, a want to be healthy. I want to walk up steps without getting winded. I want to run a mile without feeling like I'm going to do. 

Long story short, it's tough being overweight. And I'm starting to get to the point where I just can't stand it anymore.

Until I get that scale, I'm not going to make any changes. I might pick one up tomorrow or it could take me a couple days. But I'm going to try to do a daily food and exercise log to 1) discipline myself and 2) let you know what is working for me.

Tomorrow I think I'll talk about the poor food choices on my campus. That should make for an interesting rant.

Love, forever and always,

Megan

Ps. If you ever want to talk, just send me a message or whatever this website does. I will be more than happy to respond to you. If you're worried that you can't do this without a weight loss buddy but don't have the courage to ask someone at home, I will most definitely be that person for you. Just let me know.